The Joy Of Taking Control
So there I was, waiting for it, the moment when the whole world and by whole world I mean a slightly shabby rugby club function room, would know how disgustingly greedy I was and how I lacked any kind of will power.
There she stood, Barbara Taylor, looking fabulously, well, normal.
She wasn't skinny, she wasn't overweight, she was just lovely.
Tall like me with curves that her well cut clothes showed off perfectly, a beaming smile of welcome and understanding lit up her face as she gestured me onto the scale.
I froze, it was all very well weighing yourself in the safety of the bathroom, naked, breathing in, maybe on one foot.....
But to be weighed here in this room in front of strangers, that took some guts and other than the gut I had straining at my waistband, I didn't have much.
Its fine, she whispered, only me and you will know.
So on I got, mentally running through acceptable and non acceptable numbers.
I had some idea of what I might weigh but due my ancient scales and the 'tricks' mentioned above I really wasn't sure.
Anything below 15st (95 kg/210lb) was acceptable, anything near or above unthinkable.
I went hot, blood coursed through my body hitting my neck and face in blotches of bright crimson, tears welled up in my eyes and I began to shake.
That's it, I thought, I'm never coming here again.
How can I ever even hope to be anything like a 'normal' weight, it was clearly impossible.
Barbara looked at me.
One day at a time, one pound a week and honesty, she said, that's all it takes.
And as I stood in front of her I knew she 'got' me and I knew I could rely on her to pull me through.
Can I just say at this point, I do not hold with diets, I don't believe in them, I don't believe they work and I truly believe they only exacerbate weight and food issues.
Barbara Taylor was all I needed, someone to help me understand my relationship with food, help me regain control and most importantly start enjoying food again.
Reason to be joyful number 4.
Meeting Barbara Taylor.